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Dating over fifty-five can be a lot of fun if you let it. Some of men you date will tell you early on why they are not worthy of you if you listen very carefully. And do listen. I am a professional woman over fifty-five and have been single for several years. I thought I might try to get back into the dating game again after a few years off, and I’ll share my experiences with a few men I have met recently. Many women I know have similar stories, and I’ll generalize on the characteristics of some men you may recognize if you’re also single and searching.
He’s the Wealthy Bachelor you meet at your athletic club, the one we’d all love to catch, huh? He wines you and dines you, takes you to his vacation homes, and gives you gifts. He even introduces you to his friends and relatives, calling you his “friend”. A few months into the relationship he says “I hope you know I don’t want to get married or anything”, and you say that’s fine because you don’t really know what you want either. A couple of days later he shows up bringing, you guessed it, two dozen red roses and a smile. Several months later, after more trips to casinos, the beach, dinners out and friend introductions, you begin to tell him what you want in a relationship. He listens. He meets your adult children. You think that maybe you actually MEAN something to this guy. He tells you he’s quite the catch and you tell him that’s great, but he’s not “catchable”. Soon after this revelation, you’re cooking dinner for him one night at your place, and he calls ten minutes before he’s due to arrive to tell you he has “lost interest” in you but won’t discuss it with you. He’s not showing up for dinner. And you’ve suddenly lost interest, too! Then you recall the line he gave you early on in the relationship. “Hope you know I don’t want to get married OR ANYTHING”, and you wish you had said then,”Nope, me either” and ignored the next phone call. There’s a reason why he is a Bachelor. He doesn’t want a relationship and never did.
He’s the guy you meet on a dating site. You message for a while, then talk on the phone. He says he is interested in a relationship and is single. Then you meet in a public place. After a couple of meetings you realize he doesn’t seem to be available on Saturday nights. He calls to ask you to meet on the spur of the moment. You see a pattern developing here. You get a call on Thanksgiving night asking if he can come to your place. You say no, you just returned from visiting your adult children and you’re tired. You say you’re available later in the weekend so he makes a date. He calls two hours before the date and cancels. You know the guy is married by then. Too bad you wasted even a few hours on this one. You should have realized a bit earlier when he couldn’t date you on a Saturday night.
He’s the other guy you meet in a dating site. He buys you a glass of wine at the “public place” of your choice in your neighborhood. This guy is very easy on the eyes. He tells you the second time you meet that he lives with his son. On the third date he tells you, by the way, that his ex-wife also lives in the same townhouse. Then he says “Most women would run”, so I did.
And, run you should. Trust your instincts early on. Hold on to your self esteem! The truth is that many, many men on dating sites are married and are playing with you. This is a fact that the dating sites don’t want you to know. The ratio of men to women on these sites is something like one man for 50 women. And they know it. Don’t waste your money if you are a single woman looking for romance or a relationship. If you’re looking for a good relationship, be yourself and go out and do things you enjoy. Join some singles groups and clubs and take advantage of the chance to go out and meet people. I have done this and have met single men and women who are looking first for a good time out with like-minded single people of both genders. I have networked this way and found employment, become connected to a political group, and had many enjoyable dinners and activities out with new friends. You never know who you will meet and best of all, you will be going out instead of sitting at home staring at your PC (or Mac). And, yes, there are some good men out there.
